Happy: A Daily Battle

As a born cynic, I feel a gray cloud lingering over my head, raining on my daily parade.

Hmmm. Let me begin again.

As a born narcissistic cynic, I visualize a fluffy, gray cloud, hovering over my frizzled head, pouring on my parade through life, obstructing my view with raindrop-speckled glasses. I suppose it's the burden of a narcissistic cynic to constantly feel the weight of her world solely planted on her shoulders, never able to see the burdon others may be hauling or others' stormclouds brewing blinded by her own storm. But I can't help them. I can only help me.

In that vein, I have endeavored on a Ben-Franklin-esque experiment of improvement - of the mental kind. Each day, I engage in activities that - I think - make me feel happiness. My hypothesis is that by doing these happy things, I'll be able to sift the avoidable obstacles from the unavoidable obstacle. And by focusing and addressing the avoidable, I'm be (blamelessly) left with the unavoidable.

Example 1: Cavaties
Obstacle: I have another cavity. I am an awful person who does not deserve teeth. I should be stripped of teeth and a guardian should be assigned me to monitor my mouth hygiene since I am obviously incapable of mouth maintenance. 

Avoidance: Brushing and flossing my teeth (what's left of them, anyway) and using mouthwash daily will lead to (hopefully) better dentist visits, leading to less money I am putting out for an easily preventable error (ie, cavaties). Besides, it just feels so fresh in my mouth!

See where I am going with this? Obviously, I can't stop the genetic roulette I have been dealt and at any time, all the teeth in my head could simply fall out due to some bizarre condition I am yet unaware exists.  I can't prove I have a genetic tooth flaw or the presence of this "condition," but I can prove that daily, thorough teeth maintenance brings a (healthy) smile to my face.

Which brings me to my next example.

Example 2: Skin Issues
Obstacle: I have another breakout. Am I PMSing? Is it seasonal? My skin is obviously the worst skin on Earth and as soon as they develop a skin transplant, I am signing up.

Avoidance: Washing and moisturizing my face is oddly satisfying. I mean, my skin literally looks better - not perfect - when I take care of it properly. So, every morning/afternoon, I wash my face with Cetaphil and moisturize with Neutrogena Sensitive Skin lotion (in case you were wondering) and it brings a (healthy, glowing) smile to my face.

Crazy, right? When I remove an object of blame, I'm suddenly left with my own actions of accountability. And by that same stroke, I can also say (as I chat with my reflection in the mirror) with confidence that I did all I could to prevent the problem.

Of course there are some things I am, presently and most regrettably, unable to control. So I've pulled together a list of Things That Make Me Feel Happy to combat those uncontrollable frustrations.

1. Washing and moisturizing my face (see Example 2)
2. Moisturizing tattoos
3. Brushing, flossing, swishing my mouth (see Example 1)
4. Playing with the dogs
5. Exercising - or at least, the joy of checking that off a list
6. Completing a job well done
7. Getting dressed (ie, not staying in PJs all day)
8. Having a clean house
9. Doing stuff in the garden
10. Reading. For fun.
11. Making art
12. Not watching a lot of TV every day
13. A good night's sleep
14. Making dinner
15. COFFEE
16. Baking.
17. Eating food stuffs I've grown in my garden (strawberries and broccoli, so far)
18. Not sitting all freakin' day

My plan is to keep adding things to this list as I find things that make me feel happy. Obviously, I can't do all of these things everyday (like gardening in the winter), but many of them I can. I can also use some (like baking or COFFEE) as fallbacks for when aggravation is triggered.

I am in particular avoiding things that I am NOT good at, or things that feel like a chore to me. Like I said, "8. Having a clean house," not "Vacuuming every day." I hate vacuuming, but I love the result (ie, a clean house). So pointing to the result gives me broad choices to get there. Take this morning: My sink was a teeny bit overflowing with dishes from the past couple days. So, while making my 15. COFFEE this morning, I did some (not all) dishes so the sink would not be as overflowing. That was a 2-fer!

In addition, I have also avoided things that pose regrets later, like shopping or getting drunk. Sure, it feels great at the time - and I love to hop from thrift store to thrift store - but there usually comes a time 3 months down the line (or the next day, if drinking) when I say, "Why did I buy (drink) that?" Besides, it costs money to do those things - and I do not have a lot of that to throw around.

Finally, I am also avoiding items that rely on someone else. Like I could have added "hanging out with friends/family" or "kissing my husband" - but when I am in aggravated mode I am not someone who wants to be around people or who people want to be around. And to rely on someone else for my emotional stability seems like a dangerous dependent-based stepping stone.

In sum: Do what makes you happy. And when you can't, do something else that makes you happy.